The awful (photographic) truth…

Posted: 01/11/2011 in Uncategorized

So here I am, in all my running splendour. Witness the steely gaze, the piercing brow and my shiny, shiny blue shoes.

On doing a little research on the internet, my shiny, shiny blue shoes were described as “absolute bollocks” on a running magazine website. But what do they know, I feel they’re just a little jealous as their shoes are neither as shiny, nor as blue. The fact that the company that made them was fined $25m for making false claims over their excellentness has nothing to do with it.

All I know is that when I’m running in them, I feel less like a hippo and more like a rhino – still fat and stumpy, but perhaps slightly more dangerous. Although hippos are supposedly very dangerous, so perhaps that’s a bad comparison. Perhaps I should be embracing my inner hippo?

Also of note is my sensible winter evening atire of black, black and a bit more black. Granted my legs are as white as the driven snow, but I suspect that will simply startle passing drivers who wonder what the hell is going on.

Watch those legs, they may look like I’ve been stealing from the vanilla Matchmaker box for now, but soon they will be like tree-trunks of power, driving me forward to world domination. Or maybe just better running, who knows. I’ll take world domination if it’s on offer, mind.

Also large apologies for the somewhat rushed photo – the lighting is poor, the background sucks and I ended up sticking on a wide-angle lens which I’m hoping is what’s making my belly seem somewhat larger than I like to think of it. That’s my story, anyway, and anyone who says different is clearly in the wrong.

You don’t get knees like that these days either, you could hammer nails in with them knees. So far not a peep from them, and long may it continue. I feel that while other parts of my body may be raising a bit of a ruckus about the running thing, my good old knees, which have stayed with me through thick and thin, just keep on going. Bizarre fact, while we’re on, your knees are the only part of your body that aren’t replaced several times during your life. Not in a snake-skin shedding kind of way, but in the gradual replacement of tired old cells. Or am I thinking of your brain, it’s so easy to get confused…

On closer inspection, two things spring to mind. Firstly, what’s going on with the shorts – one leg is longer than the other. I have no explanation for that, other than the obvious, that maybe one leg is longer than the other. Perhaps it’s some clever technology, but what would I know?

Secondly, if you look closely at the areas above and inside from my knees, I swear they might be muscles in my legs. I’m not going to get excited, it could as easily be some kind of alergic reaction, but heavens!

Also, I’m wearing the wrong socks. Couldn’t find my running socks, though I suspect that’s because they are so techno they probably have a higher IQ than I do, so it’s no surprise they can outsmart me at every turn. Curse you smarty-socks!

  1. LOL! A great read. Work those shiny shoes!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s