Slowly, slowly, runrunrun!

Posted: 31/01/2012 in Uncategorized

Took it easy today, to give my lovely Iliotibial Band a bit of an easy ride. The consensus of opinion on the Runner’s World forum is that this is what’s causing my thigh pains. Apparently a foam roller is the thing, and some painful exercises to release the tension in the muscle.

The run was OK, bit twingy as ever in the thigh department, and my left hip was complaining a bit – as these aches are generally moving up my body, I take that as proof that the bits below are getting with the programme. No idea if that’s true or not, but it helps me to put it in context.

I mentioned a while ago that I was the centre of the universe, in that my water bottle and the little bag I carry my phone in orbit me slowly as I run. I’ve discovered that I also generate my own micro-climate – every time I come back in at the moment, I’ve formed dew on my hat.

I’ve also become a supplement taker, and now rattle along with a general vegetarian supplement, something for joints and another thing for muscles. Not bad (other than the joint one, which is frankly the size of my head), but it got me thinking. Sorry to get all religious on you here, but what was God thinking?

Well, I’ve created this stuff that’ll be great for joints (once they develop joints), but I’m not sure what to do with it. The whole apple in the Garden thing went properly wrong, so leaving it out in the open with a helpful label just won’t do. I’ll have to hide it somewhere.

Now that’s all well and good, but the point about hiding something is that it’s easy (if you’re God) to hide something where no-one will ever find it. Mars. There you go, little chance of getting that stuff, eh? Also, it kind of defeats the object anyway, so he must have hope someone would find it through dilligent work (maybe a bit of praying too), so there would need to be hints, or at least a clue that he’d hidden that stuff somewhere?

So, dear creations, I’ve created this stuff that’ll be great for your joints, but I want you to work to find it, so I’ve hidden it. It’s somewhere, in an animal. Yes, you got that right, an animal. Not in the whole animal, either, so you’re going to have to be picky with this one.

The search starts, I’m imagining, and people are off trying all the obvious stuff, like an egg, or a leg of lamb, maybe a slice of bacon, but to no avail. After a while it must get pretty obscure and a little desperate:

Yes, Your Majesty, we have prepared the next offerings in the “hunt for achy-joint-cure” for your delight.

What do we have today then, Squire?

Well, m’lud, you could start with the badger’s arse, or maybe you’d be more tempted by the lark’s nipple? For desert we have a squirrel’s nuts (no joke) or perhaps a helping of otters spleen?

Good grief. I’m still nauseous from the blackbird’s gizzard from yesterday, can I just have a hot water bottle to ease the pain?

Who knows how many options had to be tried until the eventually got desperate enough to try a cod’s liver…

  1. Cannot stop laughing at this one! Love the centre of the universe comments!

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